How many times have I heard this comment, be it jokingly or insultingly on a night out? Honestly, I couldn’t tell you, but it’s quite a lot.
I have always assumed that this comment is in relation to sex as it seems to be the sleazier, vile, wouldn’t-touch-them-with-my-worst-enemies-festering-vagina kind of men that say it as I wobble past them. However, just recently, I’ve been thinking it may have a broader meaning and actually be more about us fatties being grateful for any kind of positive male contact.
I understand that positive male attention is not always easy to come by when you’re a big girl, I also understand that a lot of us have some pretty deep set self-esteem issues. I know that many of mine have come from previous relationships and subsequent encounters which have left me feeling less than positive about myself.
It is too easy to believe the hype, to listen to the mainstream media which tells us that we’re unworthy of anything positive because we’re fat. Let’s face it, a large proportion of the ‘normos’ in society are listening and believe it, I’m pretty sure some of the insults that I’ve had shouted at me in the street have come straight off of the pages of The Daily Mail and it’s not always easy to ignore it.
How do I think the ‘grateful’ comment came about? Well, I can only speak from personal experience and this is the most recent example I can think of …
So, you go out looking hot (or as hot as you’re going to get anyway) and you meet a MAN! A real man, with manliness and man-dom and he wants to talk … to you!?
*Looks around checking for a guide dog or a white stick*
Not only does he want to talk to you, he’s asking you about yourself and telling you “He much prefers a curvy woman” and he’s dismissing all of your put-downs of yourself with compliments and he’s dissing your gorgeous slim friends as “All skin and bones” and secretly you love it. Basically, he does just enough to make you feel that you’re special and that the fact that your fat arse is hanging over the sides of the chair is actually attractive to him.
So, you don’t panic and run away when he tries to kiss you, you enjoy it
**this man likes me enough to kiss me in public**
You feel desirable enough to agree to seeing him again and believe him when he says he’s looking for something long term and that he’d be proud to have you on his arm.
You go on another date (this one in the dark corner of a pub you’ve never heard of before) and you believe that it’s because he wants to spend time with you alone.
You believe it enough agree to another date, this time at your home, cooking a lovely meal and then who knows … Before you know it, you believe it enough to break out the ‘Wow, you’re flexible for a fat chick’ moves and a few other disreputable examples of sex-crobatics that couldn’t possibly be repeated on the intermaweb …
… and even though he’s not exactly Brad Pitt, you feel OK when he makes excuses to leave because he ‘has work early in the morning’ (Impressive professionals such as traders or …erm, pest controllers have to get a good night’s sleep) because this one’s a keeper and he really likes you, the sex definitely secured that deal … and you waited, you good girl.
Only it didn’t, did it?
The phone call never comes; instead you get the text, the text which says he’s not ready for a relationship, the text that asks to be fuck buddies instead …. the text that makes it clear that he’s ashamed to be seen with you in public and wants to keep you behind closed doors. The text that sends your self-esteem crashing down into the floor. Yet again.
Now, Had I been a fresh faced newcomer to the minefield that is fat girl dating, then I would have probably gone along with this ‘friends with benefits’ suggestion naively, still hoping that I’d be the one girl that would change his mind, the one girl that he’d commit to. In fact, I did – on more than one occasion.
Fortunately, I’m no longer grateful. I’m still stupid enough to fall for the lines as much as the next person … but what happens when I stop believing that anyone would be interested in me at all? I guess that’s when I start collecting cats.
So, are fat girls grateful?
No more so than anyone else that wants to be happy in a relationship and be loved. I personally just think that there are a whole breed of men that use fat girls because we’re more likely (I’m not saying we all are) to be vulnerable and damaged, therefore, more likely to go along with it.
Right now, after the umpteenth time of this happening to me, I feel a little bruised and am licking my wounds whilst resisting the urge to message him either something abusive or an endless stream of ‘Why?!’ questions.
I’ll get back to kissing frogs soon though, because there has to be one that’s ready to into a prince out there …. Doesn’t there?