Hands up who celebrates Valentines day …
now keep your hands up if you know the true meaning behind it
I didn’t think so … Me either!
I have read lots of boring versions of Valentines Day origins. Stories range from it being accredited to various martyr Saints, to it being an excuse for romanticism based on Chaucer’s 14th century poetry.
Basically, it seems like no-one really knows where it really came from.
I did bother to do some research though, so rather than waste it I thought I’d share with you what I have decided is my favourite version …
It is alleged that Valentines Day was originally invented by the Christian Church to replace a holiday, that they didn’t like particularly much, which was called Lupercalia.
The Lupercalia rituals were held on the 15th of February, the festival celebrations then continued throughout the rest of the month. It was basically a sexual celebration/fertility festival.
On the 15th Feb the Luperci (An order of Roman Priests) would gather for the main ritual. This would take place at the cave where Romulus and Remus were originally found nursing from the she-wolf (Romulus and Remus for Dummies) and would involved the sacrifice a Goat for fertility, and a Dog for purification.
The goat’s hide would then be cut into leather strips, dipped in the sacrificial blood and then used to chase and spank all the women in the village. This was believed to bring fertility so all the girls were well up for these bloody spankings!
The final part of this celebration would involve all the women of the town putting their names into a holy urn, then all the single boys would draw a name out. The man who chose you would be your sexual partner for a whole year.
See, now that was far too much rampant fun for the Christian Church so it is alleged that they decided to spoil it for everyone by inventing their own holiday on the 14th February.
In 489AD good old Pope Gelasius decided to confuse the whole matter by having his own urn festival. This took place on the 14th February, but instead of choosing a sexual partner for the year, you chose a Christian Saint – FUN! You were then urged to behave in a manner that was appropriate to that Saint for the remainder of that year … Yawnsville!
Obviously, no good Christian holiday is the same without a mascot and they decided to choose Saint Valentinus. Saint Valentinus was a virgin who knew nothing of love. However, they put a good spin on it and made some bullshit romantic story up and Valentines Day was born.
In a nutshell, if you choose to believe that this is where it came from, Valentines Day wasn’t actually invented to be a romantic holiday. It was invented to demolish a kinky sexual celebration!
I will be celebrating this Valentines Day with a Mexican meal and vast quantities of frozen Margherita’s with two of my favourite girls.
I can’t actually think of a better way to spend an evening, as one of them said to me when we booked it
“I guarantee that we’ll be having more fun than anyone else in the restaurant”
I can’t argue with that!
Love and Kisses