Poorly Sick


I hate being ill.

I have felt like shit for nearly 2 weeks now and it’s driving me insane. It all started as Tonsilitis and manky Conjunctivitis and a trip to the doctors yesterday confirmed that I now have Shingles.


I can barely stay awake for longer than a couple of hours at a time. This has impacted my ability to blog (It was my intention to be far more interesting when I started this venture) but I intend to rectify this as soon as I am feeling human again.

Just wanted to let you lovely people know where I’ve been hiding!

Love Lyss xx




Reminding me to be brave.

Valentines …

Hands up who celebrates Valentines day …

 now keep your hands up if you know the true meaning behind it

I didn’t think so … Me either!

I have read lots of boring versions of Valentines Day origins. Stories range from it being accredited to various martyr Saints, to it being an excuse for romanticism based on Chaucer’s 14th century poetry.

Basically, it seems like no-one really knows where it really came from.

 I did bother to do some research though, so rather than waste it I thought I’d share with you what I have decided is my favourite version …

It is alleged that Valentines Day was originally invented by the Christian Church to replace a holiday, that they didn’t like particularly much, which was called Lupercalia.

The Lupercalia rituals were held on the 15th of February, the festival celebrations then continued throughout the rest of the month. It was basically a sexual celebration/fertility festival.

On the 15th Feb the Luperci (An order of Roman Priests) would gather for the main ritual. This would take place at the cave where Romulus and Remus were originally found nursing from the she-wolf (Romulus and Remus for Dummies) and would involved the sacrifice a Goat for fertility, and a Dog for purification.

The goat’s hide would then be cut into leather strips, dipped in the sacrificial blood and then used to chase and spank all the women in the village. This was believed to bring fertility so all the girls were well up for these bloody spankings!

The final part of this celebration would involve all the women of the town putting their names into a holy urn, then all the  single boys would draw a name out. The man who chose you would be your sexual partner for a whole year.

See, now that was far too much rampant fun for the Christian Church so it is alleged that they decided to spoil it for everyone by inventing their own holiday on the 14th February.

In 489AD good old Pope Gelasius decided to confuse the whole matter by having his own urn festival. This took place on the 14th February, but instead of choosing a sexual partner for the year, you chose a Christian Saint – FUN! You were then urged to behave in a manner that was appropriate to that Saint for the remainder of that year … Yawnsville!

Obviously, no good Christian holiday is the same without a mascot and they decided to choose Saint Valentinus. Saint Valentinus was a virgin who knew nothing of love. However, they put a good spin on it and made some bullshit romantic story up and Valentines Day was born.

In a nutshell, if you choose to believe that this is where it came from,  Valentines Day wasn’t actually invented to be a romantic holiday. It was invented to demolish a kinky sexual celebration!

I will be celebrating this Valentines Day with a Mexican meal and vast quantities of frozen Margherita’s with two of my favourite girls.

 I can’t actually think of a better way to spend an evening, as one of them said to me when we booked it

“I guarantee that we’ll be having more fun than anyone else in the restaurant”

I can’t argue with that!

Love and Kisses

Lyss xxx


My Favourite Things …


I’m Alyssa and this is my first ever blog.

I should probably warn you now that I can spend hours talking about myself, so over time this blog is likely to be very self-indulgent.

 I thought I’d kick it off by telling you about some of my favourite things …


I LOVE Italy.

I travel there at least once a year to indulge in the scenery … who am I kidding? I go there to eat decadent food, drink amazing wine, marvel at the fashion choices of the Italian women and perv at gorgeous (but short) Italian men.

Fancy Dress

I am ever so slightly obsessed with fancy dress. If I am given any opportunity to slather myself in face paint and look like an arse, then I’m going to go for it with gusto!


I’m not a fatty that’s in denial, I am fat because I love food.

I am likely to revisit this obsession at a later date. I tend to eat out a lot and will want to tell you all about the fabulous meals I have!

In the meantime you may enjoy this little mosaic of the pictures of food and drink that I have taken over the past 6 months!


I am addicted to accessories!

Once upon a time, not that long ago, as a big girl it was pretty much impossible to find gorgeous clothes. To compensate for a wardrobe of black shapeless clothing I accessorized to the MAX. Fortunately, times have changed and my wardrobe is now full to bursting, but my jewellery obsession remained.

Last year I took my obsession one step further and launched my own jewellery design company (www.arcobalenojewellerydesign.co.uk) and thought you might like to see some of my designs!

Obviously there are hundreds of other things that I love (fat fashion, makeup, stationery, shoes, chunky hairy men …) but I don’t want to waffle on forever the first time I meet you!

Thanks for dropping by, I hope to see you again soon!


Lyss xx